I had a hard time sleeping last night. I kept crying off and on. I am taking this really hard. My husband has assured me that I am a great mom and that since she has always lived with us, it makes sense that she wants to try living with her biological dad. She just wants to see what it is like. He is her parent too and it is not a reflection on my parenting. I guess because I have never experienced this I am having a hard time accepting that. It feels like a failure. So, I am going to try and be kind to myself today. I am going to meditate, exercise and try to go easy on myself today. Maybe focus more on my self development courses instead of pressuring myself to get everything on my list done. I feel very numb so I do need to keep moving today so that I do not let this consume me or spin me into a terrible depression as I am prone to do. I need to try and focus on the positives today.
It is currently just before 8 AM, everyone has just left for the day. Husband off to work and kids off to school. I am going to sit here and finish this cup of coffee and then jump on the elliptical for at least 20 minutes. Then I will meditate for a few minutes. After that I will take a shower and get dressed for the day and try to get moving.
So I am still nursing my coffee at 8:28. I have been sitting here longer then intended but I did go ahead and message all of my customers to see how they are doing and also reached out to three treasured people in my life to let them know how I am feeling and what is going on. I am proud of myself for this. Usually I keep my pains and struggles to myself because I am too afraid of bringing others down. I like to help others not be the one needing help. I am drinking my Keto now mixed with some water and raspberry La Crox sparkling water. Tastes great. So there is a positive I guess. I am making progress even when I am down.
I have gotten 10 minutes on the elliptical so far. I feel so numb, heavy and weighed down. I am taking a few minutes, or however long that ends up being and then I am going to take the dog for a walk outside. Maybe some fresh air will help.
The walk was lovely. Not too long but we walked down to the creek and listened to the water trickling for a couple minutes. On the way back Otto started barking at something like crazy. Scared the crud out of me. It was most likely a deer or something that my eyes did not catch. But we went home and are now safe and sound in the house. I am drinking some water and working on nothing but hydration at the moment. I hate depression and the weight it puts on you. I have to force myself through every step and movement. But, I do think this blog is helping.
What am I grateful for today? I am grateful for a husband who is patient with me and for holding me last night. I am grateful for family and friends that I can count on to offer kind words of encouragement and remind me that I am a good mother. I am grateful for Keto which helps me get through the day when I feel so off.
It is currently just before 8 AM, everyone has just left for the day. Husband off to work and kids off to school. I am going to sit here and finish this cup of coffee and then jump on the elliptical for at least 20 minutes. Then I will meditate for a few minutes. After that I will take a shower and get dressed for the day and try to get moving.
So I am still nursing my coffee at 8:28. I have been sitting here longer then intended but I did go ahead and message all of my customers to see how they are doing and also reached out to three treasured people in my life to let them know how I am feeling and what is going on. I am proud of myself for this. Usually I keep my pains and struggles to myself because I am too afraid of bringing others down. I like to help others not be the one needing help. I am drinking my Keto now mixed with some water and raspberry La Crox sparkling water. Tastes great. So there is a positive I guess. I am making progress even when I am down.
I have gotten 10 minutes on the elliptical so far. I feel so numb, heavy and weighed down. I am taking a few minutes, or however long that ends up being and then I am going to take the dog for a walk outside. Maybe some fresh air will help.
The walk was lovely. Not too long but we walked down to the creek and listened to the water trickling for a couple minutes. On the way back Otto started barking at something like crazy. Scared the crud out of me. It was most likely a deer or something that my eyes did not catch. But we went home and are now safe and sound in the house. I am drinking some water and working on nothing but hydration at the moment. I hate depression and the weight it puts on you. I have to force myself through every step and movement. But, I do think this blog is helping.
What am I grateful for today? I am grateful for a husband who is patient with me and for holding me last night. I am grateful for family and friends that I can count on to offer kind words of encouragement and remind me that I am a good mother. I am grateful for Keto which helps me get through the day when I feel so off.
What was I confident in? I was confident that I am a good mother and put my kids needs first above my own. Even when it hurts more then I can imagine. I was confident that I look better in my jeans as well thanks to my weight loss. They look dang good.
What could I have done differently? I could have been more productive and pushed myself to move more. I will work on that tomorrow with my fresh start.
Things will turn out well because I am willing, worthy and able. Be patient with yourself as you go on this journey.
I know that I can cope and act as I intend and succeed in building confidence and bettering myself. I will do a good job and today will be a good day.
It is currently 3:14 pm. I am waiting on the kids to get home so that I can give the kids their chore list and help them accomplish their things today. Homework of course is always at the top of the list. I look forward to this time of day. I get hugs and we can talk for a minute about their days. Best part of my day during the week. :-) I have completed tasks on my list but have not gotten everything done. That is okay. I forgive my self today. My focus is to get more sleep tonight, I am going to take Melatonin to help with this. Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh start.
It is currently 3:14 pm. I am waiting on the kids to get home so that I can give the kids their chore list and help them accomplish their things today. Homework of course is always at the top of the list. I look forward to this time of day. I get hugs and we can talk for a minute about their days. Best part of my day during the week. :-) I have completed tasks on my list but have not gotten everything done. That is okay. I forgive my self today. My focus is to get more sleep tonight, I am going to take Melatonin to help with this. Tomorrow is a new day with a fresh start.
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