Sunday, January 29th 2017

Today has been a super tough day on me that is for sure. I over slept my alarm and had to rush to get ready for the day to go pick up my middle daughter. Once I had gotten there her dad and her informed me that she is really pushing to live with him. She is 10 years old now and has actually brought this up to me a couple of times. She misses him all the time and feels like every other weekend is not enough time with him. Problem is he moved to far away for mid week visits and things of the like. So I just feel broken today, like a failure as a parent. I love my children more then anything and the idea of them living with some one else breaks my heart. Upon talking to her and trying to be a good parent, I have decided to let her live with him for the summer. I will get her every other weekend instead. But I can't stop crying today. It hurts me. I have always put her and her needs first. I have always bent over backwards to make sure she stays close to her dad. If he was not abusive to me things may have been different. My hope is that she will see things are not what she expects and that she will be happy to be home after the summer. But what if she isn't? Today sucks! I don't know what else to say. I will do my questions now in case I do not get back on here today.

What am I grateful for today? Being a wife and mother. Being a good person and being able to see past my own wants and needs.  Even when it hurts me. I am grateful that I have a roof over my head in a nice home and the ability to be a stay home mother. 

What was I confident in? Today, not much. I am trying to think of something. I guess I was confident in my ability to do the right thing. 

What could I have done differently?  I could have focused more on my task list and not broken down. I could have tried to stay more positive. 

Things will turn out well because I am willing, worthy and able. Be patient with yourself as you go on this journey.

 I know that I can cope and act as I intend and succeed in building confidence and bettering myself. I will do a good job and today will be a good day.