Good morning world! I am trying to begin today on a more positive note. I am drinking my coffee and just finished getting the girls ready for school. They are getting so independent. Once they leave I think I am going to make my husband a lovely breakfast, keto friendly of course. He has the day off and is sleeping in. I want to treasure this day together as we do not have a day to our selves very often. After breakfast I am sure he will want to play on his electronics for a while. So it is my goal to crank some music and start working on the house. I really want to try and stay motivated today. I have really been struggling with this since my middle daughter informed me that she wants to live with her dad. Maybe that would not effect some as much. Maybe I do dwell on it to much. I am not sure, but it feels like failure to me. I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. Having a child that wants to leave my home for another is ripping my heart out. Having to act like it is okay is even worse. But that is what she needs. I always strive to put their needs first.
I read a Facebook post today. A friend/fellow ex cult member that I follow had a nervous breakdown and has been in the hospital. He is doing well and is working on himself. He reached out when he was close to ending his own life. I am so proud of his strength for doing so. Reading through his lengthy post this morning reminded me that I need to ask for help more often. I think people are so used to me being happy and letting things roll off my back that most would be surprised to know how I feel inside. I think I am an empath. If I am even spelling that correctly. But I could also be misdiagnosing. I wish I could afford the mental care that I so desperately need. I am a piece of work. But don't worry, you ever meet me in person you probably wouldn't know it. I am kind and quiet, helpful and always trying to help make others feel better. It makes me feel a little better. Helps ease my pain, temporarily. But, that is why I started this, I need to write about my feelings and help work myself through this. I am trying to do the self help courses as well to help guide me and help me figure this out. If I can get motivated enough to do them! Gah! The struggle.
Well, the husband just got up and in a couple minutes the girls need to go out the door for school.
What am I grateful for today?
I read a Facebook post today. A friend/fellow ex cult member that I follow had a nervous breakdown and has been in the hospital. He is doing well and is working on himself. He reached out when he was close to ending his own life. I am so proud of his strength for doing so. Reading through his lengthy post this morning reminded me that I need to ask for help more often. I think people are so used to me being happy and letting things roll off my back that most would be surprised to know how I feel inside. I think I am an empath. If I am even spelling that correctly. But I could also be misdiagnosing. I wish I could afford the mental care that I so desperately need. I am a piece of work. But don't worry, you ever meet me in person you probably wouldn't know it. I am kind and quiet, helpful and always trying to help make others feel better. It makes me feel a little better. Helps ease my pain, temporarily. But, that is why I started this, I need to write about my feelings and help work myself through this. I am trying to do the self help courses as well to help guide me and help me figure this out. If I can get motivated enough to do them! Gah! The struggle.
Well, the husband just got up and in a couple minutes the girls need to go out the door for school.
What am I grateful for today?
My home and family. Spending the day with my husband and for my puppy. He is such a sweet heart.
What was I confident in?
That I would have a better today today then yesterday. That it would be more productive, and I would keep better track of things.
What could I have done differently?
I would have gotten more accomplished.
I would have gotten more accomplished.
Things will turn out well because I am willing, worthy and able. Be patient with yourself as you go on this journey.
I know that I can cope and act as I intend and succeed in building confidence and bettering myself. I will do a good job and today will be a good day.
